The Difference Between Men And Women Is Clear In These Funny Conversations
When people start a relationship, they often see how much they have in common and how perfect each other seems to be. During this infatuation stage, it's hard for someone not to feel like they've lucked out because every little thing their partner does is magic. And while some folks can never stop feeling lucky, it's a little more complicated as a relationship goes on.
Eventually, girlfriends and boyfriends will see how they differ. And when their conversations get weird enough, it can seem like they're from different planets. Although these communication gaps may be frustrating for them, they're pretty funny for everyone else.
When they're sick, all that machismo goes out the window
The can grunt and chop all the wood they want but once a little cold creeps up, it's like they're suddenly eight years old again. Well, minus the part where they call people "bug." That seems to be a cute little quirk of this relationship.
Oh and in case it sounds like a serious illness is being trivialized here, it turns out a little cold was exactly what this guy had. He tested negative and his body temperature was 98.7 degrees. He probably could have gone upstairs just fine and probably put a sweater on while he was at it.
The only appropriate response
Based on how aggressively this guy opened, it seems pretty safe to assume he's an ex-boyfriend. But even with the knowledge, it's a little hard to understand what he's trying to accomplish here. Maybe his ex knows and maybe she doesn't, but it doesn't matter.
That's because whatever game he's playing here, he's playing it alone. Anyone who's this desperate to hear his ex say she hates him would probably get more out of a therapy session than annoying her with texts. And once it becomes the therapist's job, it stops being the ex's problem.
The right pet name isn't always the expected one
While there's something funny about the fact that this heartfelt message comes after "bleh," the context behind this makes it even sweeter than it seems. Reddit user Janey_Do says that due to some past trauma, she hates waking up alone.
Since her husband has to get up early, he always sends her these sweet texts to help her feel better about it. That's obviously very heartwarming, but it seems some commenters were surprised by how badly they now wanted to be someone's "sweet bumble bee."
What was he expecting?
It's always awkward when one person moves on from a relationship much slower than the other. That's especially true when someone's happy to live their life only to get random messages from the ghost of relationship past.
Considering that this one's been carrying his torch for over a year, it's hard not to be impressed with the patience on this woman. It sounds like he got the hint, but if any further messages like this come, it seems more efficient just to send "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift.
Protect this innocence at all costs
Call the guy receiving these texts immature, but everyone who knew what was so funny is just as bad. And really, this demonstrates the value of the friend who giggles like a kid whenever they catch someone saying something dirty. If it doesn't make them laugh, it's perfectly professional and OK to send.
It's hard not to hope that this woman's husband never reveals what was so weird about her message. She just wants a bigger shelf and thinks that a black one would match the room's color scheme better. She's perfect the way she is and nobody better corrupt her.
This is an oddly green flag
Anyone who's in a relationship and gets texted their partner's random shower thoughts can take comfort. It's hard to find a better sign that's someone's comfortable in a relationship than when they text whatever just popped into their heads out of nowhere.
That said, this guy seems to be on to something here. No matter how weird and apropos of nothing he's being, he's going to have a hard time being weirder than the human body. For some reason, they have to start with an appendix but they can't make it easier to eat and talk at once.
Well, it's a good thing that's settled
In the movies, breakups are usually such a dramatic affair. They can be angry or heart-wrenching depending on where the filmmakers are going with the scene, but whatever emotion is at the heart of things, it's always a big one.
And sure, that can certainly happen in real life. But a lot of the time, it looks more like this. That would have been a crappy night if she was really broken up about it, but Blake's silence seems to be more of a minor inconvenience than anything. No wonder this relationship ended.
Putting it in terms that he can understand
They often say, "Better late than never," but in this woman's opinion, it's clear that this doesn't mean late is that much better than never. And from the sounds of the timeline she's hinting at here, it sounds like she has a point.
According to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tom Brady retired from their team on February 1, 2022, and the BBC reported on his divorce on March 23, 2023. In other words, this woman's ex waited more than 13 months to apologize to her. If he didn't understand how much he hurt her before, this frame of reference should definitely do the trick.
Let's not go overboard, here
Even though he's only said six words, it's already easy to tell how smooth this guy is. He's modest and understated when his girlfriend breathlessly tells him how much she adores him and he gets right to the point when things get too weird.
Although it's generally true that "calm down" is one of the riskier things anyone can say to a girlfriend, let's make an exception in this case. Honestly, that's a gentle response when she starts talking like she's from The Silence Of The Lambs.
The only winning move is not to play
With each new text, this woman is doing a fantastic job of explaining why she isn't getting a response. And that goes double if he was genuinely occupied with something else and is only getting hit in the face with this wall of insecurity now.
They always tell people to show their work in math class, and in fairness, this girlfriend showed every part of her thought process here. Of course, that doesn't make the jump from "Are you cheating on me?" to "Are your plans for the day an elaborate way to subtly call me fat?" any less of a logical leap.
It really does happen that quickly
While some people can follow this lovey-dovey train of thought through every station, others are a little more easily distracted. That is unless their future together involved a lot more frogs than she might have expected. Perhaps it's not impossible to see the importance of that question.
If she has beef with the noble frog, it's not the greatest sign that she's easy to get along with. After all, a frog is just minding its own business and happily ribbiting. That said, it seems nobody has to be worried because she said in a Reddit comment that she loves frogs.
Well, it's the thought that counts
Part of being in a relationship is the art of figuring out what to say when faced with a completely random text from a partner. While it is certainly unusual to find a rogue piece of cheese on a stairwell, the strangest thing was the question the guy paired it with.
Either there's some fine technique of stair-aging cheese that this boyfriend happens to know about, or he's being a bit silly because why would anyone need this? Oh wait, he said, "Stare cheese." Maybe he's worried she's getting eye strain and needs a piece of cheese to focus on. No, that doesn't make any sense either.
Aww, that's so sweet. At least, it seems like it.
There we have it, folks! Thesauruses aren't just for sprucing up essays to make it seem like they weren't written at the last minute anymore. They're also for adding a little class and sophistication to those special messages of love.
Even though this message stopped making sense at the end, the important part is that someone was very touched by the loquacious text his wife sent. She's like Emily Dickinson if Emily Dickinson didn't know what the word "intrinsic" meant.
Note to all exes: Nobody is fooled by this
Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for exes to try and find some excuse to compel their former partners to visit their homes. Once they do that — as the logic typically goes — they can make their attempt to try and convince their ex to either take them back or share a night together that they'll end up regretting.
However, those who try this tactic usually have a more substantial bargaining chip than a sock. Even a sock with a special design can be replaced and that's not usually the kind that most people leave behind. Nobody's going to walk into the Den of Awkward for something they can get at Walmart.
He's always there to pick her up
Reddit user heethhark explained that she has a tendency to sleepwalk and to eat in her sleep, which led her to not only leave Swiss cheese lying around but also to take a bite out of a raw hamburger patty.
Although she initially thought her husband had made the latter decision, the Swiss cheese told her everything she needed to know about how she spent the night. And while she felt down on herself for this unconscious habit, her husband only reaffirmed how much he loved her.
English is hard
It can always be a little challenging when there's a language barrier in a relationship, but those little mix-ups can often lead to some funny misunderstandings. And sometimes, they provide a little levity in an otherwise tough situation.
While it was obviously concerning to hear about the growths in this woman's mother's liver, it made the giggles harder to suppress when she struggled to spell the word that signals her problem wasn't as serious as they feared. Although he wanted to wax romantic, this loving boyfriend finally put her out of her linguistic misery.
This guy just handed every boyfriend keys to a kingdom
Those who haven't had their girlfriends subject them to the "Would you love me if I was a worm?" question rarely know what's about to hit them. After all, the less they want to engage with the question, the more likely their beloved is to assume the answer is "no."
However, this man was clever and curious enough to ask some follow-up questions instead. And of course, that little terrarium comment made him go from boyfriend material to husband material. The real genius of it is that this probably would have been his answer so matter which bug she chose.
Fun with pareidolia
If there's one thing that people in relationships learn quickly, it's that sometimes, you've just got to let them have their fun. This locker doesn't mean look that much like the guy this boyfriend is referencing, but it doesn't really matter.
And judging by the color of the text blocks, every part of this series of messages and pictures was just him going through a little script with handy visual aids. His girlfriend's a patient woman because it must have taken some time to grab all those images just to make a tenuous connection.
Got to love a guy who just rolls with it
It's almost unfortunate that this was a mistake because there's some real comedic genius in effectively saying, "That sounded weird. Let me say something even weirder." It's also pretty great that her phone thought the problem was that she didn't add a random accent to "colon."
Honestly, it was probably the phone that made her write "colon" instead of "cologne" in the first place. Look, phone, this couple isn't taking suggestions about their relationship, especially if that's what's being suggested. That said, the guy's little winky face seems to suggest that's not off the table. Good to know?
What's the logic here?
In the middle of a perfectly normal conversation, this guy's girlfriend sent him a one-second audio file with no context. However, it seems she immediately warned him against playing it because she had apparently sent him the sound of one of her farts.
Why? That's a great question. Why warn him against listening to it? An even better question. However, it seems like she's found the right one because he was clearly too busy laughing to ask either of them. Ah, true love.
It's nice to see her engage with his interests
While Reddit user ThrottleTwister was at work, his girlfriend texted him out of the blue with some screenshots from a particularly tense Fortnite session. And based on her panicked tone, it sounds like a game he's had far more experience with than she has.
Although he wasn't too helpful, he seemed stunned that she was not only playing it but that she had gotten as far as she did. She ended up coming in second overall, which is definitely an accomplishment for someone who can't shoot as well as she can hide. It's just nice to see the beginning of something they can share.
Well, at least they seem to be on good terms
The last thing that most people would ever want is to get a text from their ex but this exchange seemed to go about as well as it could've. It's unclear what brought this message on, but he seemed to have nothing but nice things to say to her.
And while she sounded like appreciated it at least on some level, that was way more serious than she wanted it to be. But while that parting "boo" is definitely charming, the best part of this exchange is the typing bubble at bottom left. Any guesses on how he responded to that?
What a conveniently selective memory
It's unclear what exactly possessed this man to think his ex-girlfriend would miss him at all, but he really tried to lay it on thick. From the sounds of things, he wants her back and is trying to lean on the best memories they shared together to make more more amenable to reconciliation.
However, even Luna the dog could see that if that's someone's goal, it's probably best not to bring up something that happened right after the incident that made the entire relationship fall apart. Did he honestly think she'd forget that he cheated on her? Shockingly, this charming fellow somehow hasn't managed to find a new girlfriend.
They really are inseparable
At first glance, this just seems like a cute but normal enough exchange for a married couple who can't be near each other at the moment. However, it gets less bittersweet and a lot funnier when the context becomes clear.
That's because Reddit user Grouchy-Usual3546 explained that her husband started this conversation while she was in the bathroom for only five minutes. In a way, that's even cuter because someone who honestly tells her she's pretty during one of her less-pretty moments is a keeper for sure.
If they have to text in that state, it should be like this
Anyone reading this guy's texts can likely tell how hard he's been partying, but it's the fact that this is all directed at his wife that makes this so adorable. Notice how out of everything he says here, the one thing he keeps repeating is how much he loves her.
Of course, he's also not exactly subtle about how he wants to express that love. He (and apparently Shakira) do make a pretty solid case for his future performance, though. And no romantic text is complete without an exuberant shout-out to the state of Minnesota.
Well, that's one way to handle it
Since this seems randomly scatological, it will likely help to learn that this conversation happened during a drug test Reddit user North_Enthusiasm4806's husband was undergoing for his new job. Although he needed to produce a urine sample, it doesn't seem like that's the only business he's doing.
Generally speaking, these places will tell the people they're testing what they need. So, any extra samples he wants to give them probably won't be regarded as a bonus. In other words, his wife wouldn't be the only person yelling "PLEASE DON'T" about this.
Aww, there's no need to be embarrassed
As she explained in a post, Reddit user PretendPizza175's boyfriend is in a group chat with her and her father where they share pictures of her pets. But when her dad posted an apparently photogenic picture of her cat Squig, her very sleepy boyfriend clearly got a little confused.
It's clearly embarrassing to the poor guy, but if he's accidentally going to text the group chat, it's definitely better that it's something cute rather than something racy. It's still hard to tell when he's ever going to call anyone "baby bean" again, though.
That's as good a response as any
Either somebody's been having a lot of eggnog, or he was just in a silly and festive mood. After all, the most common response to learning one's girlfriend is coming home with them isn't usually "Crimas." That's actually a pretty unusual response to anything.
However, there is some real method to this boyfriend's madness. Random as it is, there's something about this Christmas tree and that spelling that makes everything seem nice and cozy. Crimas, indeed, you two lovebirds. Crimas indeed.
Nope, try again
A lot of conversations between couples can seem random and only make sense to them, but others are perplexing even to the people involved in them. Sometimes, however, a boyfriend's response can reveal a surprising amount about him.
For instance, when this woman sent him this photo, he somehow got this confused for a lizard. Either that means he's somehow gone without ever encountering lizards or grasshoppers in his life, or he needs glasses. It's one of those things that makes some lovers say, "You're lucky you're cute."
Flawless victory
If there's anything more annoying than the regretful text from the ex, it's receiving that text at 2 am. Fortunately, it seems that this ex boyfriend not only failed to disturb her sleep, but is going to have even less of an impact on her life going forward than he expected.
It's always best when she doesn't even have to say anything in response. Just one picture of her engagement ring and some congratulations later and it's like the ex has been ghostbusted. She showed some restraint by not putting it on the middle finger.
What a time to be alive
This is a pretty unintentionally hilarious text from an ex to begin with, but there are layers of context that make this even more pathetic. For one thing, Reddit user emerald_empire said that he had not only cheated before he sent her this but did so for the second time.
So not only was this man's "hurt" entirely self-inflicted but another problem with this little sacrifice is that he didn't even build the Minecraft house. She did. Really, it's no wonder she left this total winner in the dust.
Somehow, that's a little hard to believe
At first, this Hail Mary attempt from a regretful ex comes across as fairly standard. He calls her his soulmate and makes these grand romantic statements to her, only to be told that tightly that door has since been closed.
But while most people would take the news of her engagement as their cue to disappear, this was apparently embarrassing enough that he made a fruitless attempt to save face. The odds of her buying his tale of a strange, months-spanning glitch from his "wired" phone are about as strong as the odds of them ever getting back together.
She also would have accepted "fine-aged"
As can sometimes happen in a relationship, this guy's wife felt a little down on her appearance. So, when her husband complimented her, it was hard for her not to see a less flattering portrait of her age in the mirror.
In an oddly wholesome move, this made her husband flip everything she could say about herself into a compliment. But while he's not the only one to swap the word "old" with "mature," he even managed to sound genuinely appreciative when she compared herself to stinky cheese. That's one silver-tongued devil.
Now that's a team player
Once people get close enough, there's enough of a relationship of trust between them that they can ask each other to do things without context and they'll just go with it. They may never know why their beloved wanted a video of them clucking like a chicken, but they're happy to give it to them anyway.
So, when this guy's girlfriend sent him a request to pretend her mostly blank text was a thoughtful, lengthy message, he already knew what to do. As far as he's concerned, she's a wordsmith who could give Virginia Woolf a run for her money.
The cutest compliments are the unexpected ones
When a relationship is new, it really does feel like an incredible stroke of luck that it happened at all. And considering that the first thing she can think of to say is that her boyfriend's a "pretty cool guy," this relationship must have been very new at the time.
Although Reddit user No-Astronomer-9191 explained that this person is now her ex, she still maintains that he's a pretty cool guy. So, it's nice to know that there aren't any hard feelings now that the relationship is over.
Yeah, no surprise she didn't reply to this
According to Reddit user Particular_Toe3157, her ex waited about two years — with no contact taking place over that period — to shoot his shot after he came across her Hinge profile. Apparently, he was under the impression that she'd be amenable to a purely physical relationship based on the times they once shared.
Not only does she apparently have a better memory of why things ended than he does, but he's also failing to understand that the physical aspects of their relationship worked because the emotional aspects were also there. Now, the only emotion she feels is a strong need for him to stay gone.
With each day comes a new opportunity to learn
One thing many women can attest to is that there are no shortage of men who don't really understand their periods. But while some can let their lack of knowledge turn to dismissive ignorance, others are more supportive and just a little confused.
And indeed, that seemed to be the case for this husband, who just learned about an unfortunate inconvenience that affects a lot of women, especially as they get older. Although in fairness, commenters on his Reddit post were quick to tell him that some women do use panty liners at the tail end of their periods, so he was half-right.
Wholesome and a little naughty all at once
Seasonal Affective Disorder is a common ailment that often makers the winter months drearier and more depressing for people than they otherwise would be. Unfortunately, it's often easy for those who don't deal with it to underestimate how exhausting and mood-altering it can be.
However, this dear husband is not one of those people and is giving his love every bit of reassurance that they'll make that difficult time as cozy and loving as it can be. And while his message is mostly heartwarming in a serious way, that little crack about "consensual slaps across the booty" makes for some much-appreciated levity.
