Jimmy Fallon Asks Fans To Come Up With Laws That Should Exist, And The Answers Are Spot On
Have you ever been so annoyed by a pet peeve that you wish it could be illegal? Laws were originally created to help societies run more smoothly and punish people who threatened the wellbeing of those around them, and personally, I feel like we could use a few more to banish horrendous behaviors.
Jimmy Fallon took to Twitter to ask fans to share laws that should exist, and the answers were incredible.
Pronounce The H And I'll Pronounce You Guilty
There is no way you naturally pronounce the "h"—you have to be doing it on purpose to add an extra bit of "flair" to your speech. Well, I'm ruling you guilty of being the worst.
We Need The 1:1 Ratio!
There are few things more frustrating than trying to buy the wieners and buns for a barbecue and having to stand in the grocery store trying to make the math add up. Just make them the same!
We Will Oust You From The Bus Like A Bad Monarch From The Throne
If you don't have headphones on hand to use on public transit, then you are not allowed to use sound on your phone. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.
I'll Be Getting The Student Discount Until Age 60
Implement this law so that I can get the student discount until I am old enough to get the senior discount because, realistically, I will have student debt until I'm in the grave.
Ban Recorders From Classrooms 2020
Why is playing the recorder such a universal part of the elementary school curriculum? What does anyone get out of it other than pain from hearing a pitchy rendition of "Hot Cross Buns"?
This Is A Form Of Sadism That Needs To Be Condemned
If you finish the toilet paper roll and don't replace it, you're a threat to society. You're a sociopath with no empathy and you should be locked up for your crimes.
No More Fake Pockets Or Small Ones!
It's 2020 and it's about time that women's pants were designed to have pockets that can actually hold things in them. I'm tired of having to carry a purse everywhere!
Get Your Sneezy Self Out Of The Office!
If you are sick, stay home. No one wants you to come in and "fight through the symptoms". Stay in bed, patient zero, and only return when you're officially better.
Overdraft Fees Are Such A Scam!
Someone please explain the logic of making people pay money for not having enough money other than banks hating us and wanting us all to be broke until we die.
This Also Applies To Kitchens
I personally think that carpet should be banned in all rooms, but I will allow it in some areas of the home. However, the kitchen and bathroom need to be legally kept carpet-free.
We Get it, You Run
No one likes to talk about running except for runners. It's totally fine if you talk about your marathon with your running group, but you should be legally limited to only mentioning it one time to a non-runner.
Presidential Debates Would Be Much More Interesting
Can you imagine how much more fun it would be to watch political events if politicians had to wear shock collars that detect lies? Debate would be my new favorite sport to watch.
Department Of Labor, Listen Up!
I would like to legally classify holding a meeting and wasting your colleagues' time when everything could have been communicated via email as a form of torture and give jail time to offenders.
This Should Be Grounds For Firing
I'll forgive you if you have an inspirational poster in your private office or cubicle, but it's despicable to have one in your email signature. Debra, I will smash your laptop.
If You Tell Me I Look Tired, You're Getting A $70 Fine
There is no good way to tell someone they look tired. It's only a thinly-veiled insult that means you think the other person looks like a piece of hot garbage.
PSA You Look Naked
The number of times that I've thought someone was just walking around town bottomless because they were wearing leggings the same color as their skin has been way too plentiful. It is a crime against humanity.
Speaker Phone Is Only For Group Calls!
If you're having a conversation with a person while in a public space, there is no valid reason to use speaker phone. No one else wants to know your business, Cathy!
I Just Need To Know What Happens!
I would like to pass legislation that, should a show not get renewed for another season, the producers have to create and release a final episode to tie up the loose ends for fans.
I Mean, It Makes Sense
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You have to meet your child's basic survival needs and make sure they grow into fully-functioning humans with morals, and you're telling me just about anyone can have one?
Divide The Sidewalk Into Lanes Like A Highway
There should be a fast lane and a slow lane on the sidewalk, making it illegal for a large group of leisurely walkers to block the whole path and make you late for work.
If You Aren't Blind Or Elton John, Take Them Off
I can assure you, you do not look super cool if you have on your fake pair of RayBans while inside the restaurant. In fact, the server probably wants to spit in your food.
He's... Parenting
Unless he is taking care of someone else's kids, he is not babysitting. He's literally just being a parent, as is expected of him. He is not going to be paid by the mother for watching the kids.
No More Horrible Baby Names!
I once knew a pair of new parents who named their newborn twins "Yellow" and "Orange", and I just know that those kids are going to get picked on in the mean environment of the grade school playground.
If You're Not Ready For The Express Experience, Go Inside
The drive thru was for people who are rushing somewhere and already have their order memorized before they even pull into the lane. If you're unsure of what you're ordering, go inside for all of our sakes.
Please, My Poor Eyesight Is Begging
I can barely see without my glasses as it is, let alone when there is water running into my eyes. We need color-coded shampoo and conditioner and we need it, like, yesterday!
This One Is Quite Polarizing
This legislation would really divide voters and create an even more strongly bi-partisan political system. Whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not will be the defining debate of our times.
It's Pretty Rude Of You To Ask, Netflix
There are few things more disrespectful than when Netflix asks if I'm still watching. Of course, I'm still watching. Shut up and autoplay the fifth consecutive hour of The Office.
It Is A Confined Space And You Can Hold It
I have never been on a modern elevator and had a ride last for more than 30 seconds. It is perfectly feasible for you to just hold it until you're out of the doors.
Jokes Aside, Please Start Using It Before I Rear End You
You wouldn't believe it, but there's this little blinking light that lets the drivers around you know if you're going to turn or switch lanes. In fact, you're legally required to use it!
It's Supposed To Be A Church, Not MSG
Listen, I'm all for people being able to express their religious beliefs and gather with others with the same beliefs. I'm just saying, churches that have the same performance gear as a concert in Madison Square Garden maybe need to pay taxes.
The Text Can Wait
In general, there should be a law against people stopping suddenly on the sidewalk or in a crowded hallway when there are people walking behind them. Others have places to be!
It's The Bare Feet For Me
First of all, there are laws against people being barefoot in public spaces for a reason—your feet are disgusting and no one wants them to be visible. Secondly, how selfish do you have to be to put your filthy feet in places people have to sit?
People Who Do This Are Psychopaths
There is only one circumstance where it's okay to have the milk in the bowl before pouring the cereal, and that is if you've already eaten some and are pouring a second bowl of cereal.
Stop Leaving Your Carts In People's Way!
This applies to any store with shopping carts—if you leave your cart in the way so that other people can't pass or look at certain products, you are a threat to society.
It's Like Having A Diaperless Toddler In The House
Bringing a puppy into your home is just as exhausting and challenging as having a child. You need to watch them 24/7 to make sure they don't destroy anything, and peternity leave is necessary.
I Will Spit My Food At You
The worst is that you end up doing the thing where you put one finger up to say wait while you hustle to try and chew and swallow as fast as possible.
Please Spritz Responsibly
Repeat after me: you should never use more than two spritzes of perfume at one time (and that goes for cologne as well). Anything more is just painful for those around you.
It's The Morning Rush!
First of all, if you're getting coffee regularly, you should already have a regular order that you have memorized by heart. Second of all, there is no justification for waiting in line that long and not having your order ready.
Seriously, What Are They Doing?
Picture this: after minutes of circling the lot looking for a spot, you finally see someone getting into the car. You pull over and put on your blinker, but minutes later, they still haven't even turned on their car. You wish you had never left your house.
Please, I Am So Sleepy
I love late-night television shows for their comedy and guests, but I am never able to stay up late enough to watch them live. I have an early bedtime, and you should respect that!
